Sometimes we love the wrong person

Loving blindly

Have you loved someone so much that you blindly allowed things to happen around you or to you because you refused to see that person for who they truly were? You let things go by without question because you had full trust in the one you loved.

There once was a married couple who were married for 30 years. They seemed like a happy couple to everyone they knew. The wife did everything for her husband. She cooked, cleaned, and did everything he wanted of her.

But, as she was this wonderful wife at home. He had a double life behind her back with other women. Make life-long plans with other women and eventually get one pregnant.


Things get overlooked.

You may ask, were there signs? How can that go on so long without knowing what he was doing?

But, how could you not of seen it and fall for the wrong person despite all the red flags?

Sometimes there are always red flags at the start of the relationship. There’s nothing worse than being blindsided by a situation and not realizing that a person you thought you knew all along wasn’t, in fact, the person you thought he/she was.

When you are so in love with someone and most of the time you become so wrapped up in the illusion of who you think they are and who they perceive to be, you deny all the things considered red flags and letting certain behaviors and actions slide by.

You don’t want to think that maybe he/she is this bad guy. You put that blockage up to really know them; instead, you paint your own picture of the good qualities that you yourself want to see within him/her, or you enhance the wonderful qualities he/she has shown you.

We only want to see the good things in someone we care about. So seeing them as anything else is nonexistent.

We overlook the bad and red flags on someone’s character when we love them. We get into the habit of ignoring their imperfections and only seeing their wonderful traits; besides this, we can add to their character what we want them to be for us.

You become blind to their true nature. Sometimes when you love someone, you ignore or refuse to see the signs in front of you, or maybe the cheating spouse lied and concealed things so well that it was just not seen and his true character, so you overlook things.

Occasionally, people claim they love somebody, but they do not love that person at all. They might pretend to love that person, or they may try to come up with reasons to become convinced that they do, but they are oblivious to the reasons.


Listen to those close to you.

I realize that not everyone wants to hear this, but it’s essential to pay attention to your friends and family about what they think about the person you choose.

I also know that sometimes unhealthy family members set things way out of proportion, and so we ought to ask ourselves, “Are what family/friends say about the one we love true?”

We mustn’t become blinded by love and ignore red flags. It would help if you considered everything.


Stop making excuses for inappropriate behaviors.

Don’t apologize for your partner’s bad behavior; if you feel the need to make excuses or apologize for your partner’s behavior. That could mean that you’re in love with the wrong person.


Other reasons

Have you ever been in love with someone to realize down the line that you never really loved that person as much as you thought you might?

When you have already chosen to be with someone, one day, You may realize that you are not happy as you should be, and that person isn’t giving you what you want in a relationship. But, you still stay, and you remain by their side.

It comes down to why you think you’re in love with the wrong person; maybe they don’t love you back as you do them, or perhaps they’re already in a committed relationship.

To fully understand where the problem lies, you need to discover why you feel that way. You need to think of what you’re feeling within and if it is really love you feel or an emotional attachment.


Identifying the problem

When someone is in love, they want to put their partner’s needs before their own. Attachment is self-seeking, and selfish while love is selfless.

 Emotional dependency is when a person believes that he/she needs another person to survive, to be happy, or feel complete. Loving that person is in some ways similar to emotional dependency since it typically gives rise to intense feelings.


Call them out

If there is a moment in your life that you think maybe you’re being crazy or overreacting to something you have seen, or perhaps it’s an inner gut feeling.

It is very important to listen to your gut feeling. I want to remind people not to underestimate signs and to question them. There is nothing wrong with calling out someone for their actions. You, too, have feelings and deserve to be heard. If you see something, say something. If the other person gets mad, then there is something there more you need to think about.


Choosing to counsel

If you feel you can’t talk to your partner directly or you’re having a communication problem. You and your partner may decide that relationship counseling would be helpful. Deciding to counsel will help you deal with issues in an entirely new way and create a better relationship than you ever had before.

 In the event the relationship falters, one of you can end it. There’s no law that says you have to stay married forever.

Have you experienced something similar? Share your story.

XOXO,

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Before we end here, I would like to share something with you by Najwa Zebian;

“Sometimes we give love to the wrong person, and we sit there and wonder, “how could I have given love to that person? They don’t even deserve it,” or “what a waste of time.” But the thing is, you shouldn’t think about it that way. You should think of the fact that you were able to give love, because if you are able to give it, that means you have it inside of you. It means that that is what makes you. And it’s the same thing with everything else. It’s the same thing with kindness, with honesty, with your ability to care about people. That shows who you are. Don’t focus on the way that people abuse that. Don’t focus on the way that people react to that. Focus on the fact that you have it within you, and that it makes you who you are. It makes you a beautiful person, a beautiful human being. So, before you sit there and say, “I wish I didn’t give love”, “I wish I didn’t give kindness”, “I wish I wasn’t honest”, be careful what you’re wishing for.”

~ Najwa Zebian

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