10 ways to forgive yourself and move forward

Before we start, please read below, Please know that this blog is for informational purposes only, and it does not constitute medical or legal advice, medical services, clinical advice, or any type of professional help. In the event that you have a health concern, you should consult your physician or health care provider immediately.

Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.

— Maya Angelou

Everyone makes mistakes

Throughout your lifetime, no matter what you do, you will encounter problems, and you will make mistakes, and you will need to learn from them, and by these mistakes, they will make you stronger. It all depends on how you deal with these errors. There will always be something you will fail at. Something that will undermine your confidence and certain situations that will lead to you being wrong and things that will lead you to make stupid choices.


What is forgiveness?

Forgiveness is generally referred to as the process of letting go of negative feelings of anger, bitterness, and vengeance toward someone who has wronged you. This is great, and we should try to forgive others who have wronged us, but are you forgiving yourself? Today’s discussion is about you forgiving yourself for whatever you have done either to someone you love or yourself.


How do you forgive yourself?

To forgive yourself one must:

1. Identify the hurt.

Identify the source of the hurt. Why are you hurting?
What has caused you to hurt? Have others been hurt by you?
What did you do to cause another pain?


2. Accept Responsibility

When you have hurt others in the past; accept your responsibilities and acknowledge your mistakes and acknowledge the hurt you’ve caused to another, and even yourself. We can even hurt ourselves, we should acknowledge that while making things right with those we have hurt.


3. Is it Guilt or Shame?

It is fine to feel guilty, but one must understand the difference between guilt and shame.

The difference between guilt and shame


Guilt is an emotion of guilt or remorse associated with a feeling of moral or personal responsibility.

Shame can be defined as the bad feeling that sets in after one behaves in an unacceptable, inappropriate, or ridiculous manner, depending on the context.

Shame and guilt are often used interchangeably to describe the same feelings, but the two have a huge difference in meaning. Shame, on the other hand, is a more inward expression of how you feel about yourself and your actions, which differs from guilt in the way it can help you understand how you affect others.

One source suggests that shameful people seek to avoid and attack; guilty people repair and rebuild.

To start the healing process and to process the forgiveness within yourself, you must understand where the issue exists within, so you can pinpoint where to begin to heal and to accept forgiveness.


4. Apologize

At the beginning of your healing process, your first step should be to acknowledge your errors, apologize both to others and to yourself, and write yourself an apology. It does not matter if your loved one is alive or if they have passed. But, it can be the first step to healing.


5. Take care of yourself.

Take care of you by taking care of yourself.

  • It’s important to eat foods that provide nutrients.
  • Make sure to look after your personal hygiene.
  • Make plans to hang out with family, friends, or a friend.
  • Write down how you’re feeling that day on paper. Keep a journal of your feelings.
  • Do activities you enjoy doing daily, like reading or taking up a new hobby.
  • Make sure you have a regular sleep schedule.
  • If you’re working, try to get a sick leave. Sometimes our mental health needs a break too just as much as our physical health.
  • Thinking about things from a wider perspective can help you to gain a clearer picture. Sometimes listening to others rather than having to speak first or all the time.

6. Change your view

Think your perspective is the only way?
Get together with others who have an entirely different background to your own. This could open your mind and enable you to contemplate new ideas and concepts. You will be quite surprised when you realize how much your mindset can change once your perspective broadens.


7. Know your feelings

It is important that you are aware of your feelings. Knowing what you are feeling that you are experiencing. Try to identify the emotions as they happen. Being able to name them as you feel them. A journal provides a very helpful way to track your emotions. It is good to learn which words are used for each emotion, and remember to write about them in your journal.


8. What do you want?

It is important to understand with clarity what you want. Before anything else you must know what you want, you must examine the situation and the underlying reasons for your desires. Try to see yourself from others’ perspectives, reexamine the issue and try to understand. Also, you can make use of a mind map to help you in trying to figure out what it is that you want. Also, you may wish to consider rethinking other options; it’s always good to have a plan B prepared for almost anything.


9. Be realistic

Be realistic; Acknowledge unrealistic expectations and work to overcome them. Try to stop yourself by catching yourself when you start to have these expectations; call yourself out, in your mind and try to reflect on them. Expectations can influence our perspective greatly. So it’s important that we are aware of them. We also have to remember that not only do our own expectations matter, but expectations of others matter too. At the end of the day, we must practice compassion for those around us and for ourselves and allow ourselves to be more flexible in our expectations.


10. Put gratitude as a substitute for guilt


If you find yourself feeling guilty about something, switch that feeling to gratitude. Focus on what you’ve accomplished. Think about your accomplishments and how you overcame them, and experiment with adopting a more positive outlook.


Begin to move forward

After you have begun your journey into forgiveness, the next step is to let go. Do not dwell on the negatives and what if’s. Do not become enslaved to your past. The moment has come for you to rise above the chaos of your circumstances, and be the best, most confident version of yourself.

Have you had a situation where you overcame a barrier? What strategies did you use to get through the situation and move forward effectively?

XOXO,

Copyright © 2021 by “Just Be♡You♡tifully You” Blog
All rights reserved
This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author/blog owner except for the use of brief quotations in a blog review.

10 ways to love your husband unconditionally

Before we start, please read below, Please know that this blog is for informational purposes only, and it does not constitute medical or legal advice, medical services, clinical advice, or any type of professional help. In the event that you have a health concern, you should consult your physician or health care provider immediately.

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”

– Dave Meurer

There will come a time when you will feel like strangling him no matter how long you have been with your husband. I would imagine there will be a time in every married woman’s life where she’ll question her reasons for being in the marriage or just thinking about how she will get through a feeling or situation with him.

Coming into a marriage, you wouldn’t necessarily feel this way. But, inevitably, your husbands will get on your nerves, and your tempers will sometimes nip at each other. It is almost normal to become annoyed or put off by each other. That is when space needs to be implemented. Take some time alone to reflect on the situation.

The topic of discussion today is loving your husband unconditionally. It doesn’t matter what he has done or said. We can still find a way to love unconditionally. Unless it’s an abusive relationship, then that is a different story. 


1. Show him respect

It is important that you show respect for one another. You can do this in numerous ways:

Such as: 

  • When he speaks, you should look at him.
  • It is important not to interrupt him as he is speaking.
  • Smile at him; sometimes, just a smile makes all the difference; it can change his day.
  • Let him know what you admire about him.
  • Ask him about his day.

It’s important that you respect your husband for many reasons. 

  • His trust in you will lead him to come to you for any reason.
  • Respect will motivate him and will encourage him to love you more
  • He is the role model for your children.
  • It acknowledges the qualities he possesses as your husband and father of your children.
  • He supports his family on a financial and emotional level as well.

2. Work through problems

You must learn to work through difficult times. There will be many difficult times during your relationship. It’s important not to get too caught up in the situation and remember why you both love each other. Remember to talk about it, don’t go to bed angry.

It is important to talk through things rather than avoiding them. Our minds can overanalyze and add too much to the situation and can make it worse. Be sure to communicate everything you’re feeling. Make sure you are listening to him when he speaks. Let him know how much you love him and appreciate what he is doing or has done for you; praise him.


3. Don’t dwell on imperfections

Do not worry when you spot the little imperfections. Don’t place high expectations on your husband. No one is perfect. We all have flaws, just like you and me. We expect our husband to overlook our small imperfections, and we must do the same for him.


4. Learn his love language

Learn your husband’s love language. 

Love language is how we love each other. We all have our ways of showing love and receiving it. We can do this by:

  • Saying kind words to each other
  • Doing extra helpful things for him that you wouldn’t usually do.
  • Giving him a gift or a note  to tell him you are thinking about him
  • Physical touch, a hug, or a kiss. 
  • Quality time

5. Surprise him

Let him feel surprised; do little things which he would not expect; switch things up in ways that make him surprised and make those events memorable; be spontaneous.


6. Take an interest in subjects that are important to him

Make an effort to be interested in important matters to him, and do not make fun of them, do not make him feel like his interests are unimportant.  If he enjoys video games, play video games with him.


7. Laugh together

The most important thing is to laugh as much together as possible. Seek out funny things to share, tell funny stories, post funny memes, make videos, etc. 


8. Spend alone time together

Spend time with him intimately and add some spice to your sex life. Also, the bedroom isn’t the only place you can be intimate. Be sure to have a date night, where you both can spend quality time together and talk.


9. Be his friend

You will learn a great deal about him if you can let him relax and be himself without having to act like he has duties to his wife. He will be a better husband if he knows that you are his best friend, not just his spouse. 


10. Take time to care for yourself

 Everyone needs their space eventually, give him space; take the time to care for and pamper yourself and always strive to look your best when you are around your husband. Take care of your own needs, spending some time alone. It allows you both to miss each other and gives you the personal space you need. It also shows him you are independent; most men love an independent woman who isn’t clingy and has to be in the same room 247 with them; men love their space too.


Are you still unhappy?

You should consider that if you feel you have done all listed above and have either gone over and beyond and are still unhappy, or your spouse seems unhappy, you should sit back and consider your best course of action. It may be worthwhile to seek counseling or write him an open letter stating how you would like to resolve it. It takes two to make a marriage work, and it’s not a one-way street. You both must want the marriage to succeed. 

Later, I will be sharing ways to tell you if your marriage has ended in a later post. Don’t think you’re obligated to stay in an unhappy marriage; you are not required to. It doesn’t matter what anyone has to say; if you aren’t happy, and you’re tired of putting so much effort into your marriage, then you are allowed to find peace by ending it. In other words, you do not have to endure abuse or emotional neglect either. However, when it comes to the matter at hand, it is up to you to decide what you deserve and what’s better for you both.


Do you have secrets to a happy marriage?

How do you keep your marriage strong? Feel free to share your secrets in the comments section.

Copyright © 2021 by “Just Be♡You♡tifully You” Blog
All rights reserved
This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author/blog owner except for the use of brief quotations in a blog review.