What trauma survivors want people to know

Please read the following before we begin: Please keep in mind that this blog is strictly for informational purposes and does not constitute medical or legal advice, medical services, clinical advice, or any other type of professional assistance. If you have a medical problem, you should see your doctor or health care provider right away.

Trauma has a long-term effect on people. It alters their perception of relationships, people, and the world. As humans, we all have some sort of trigger that causes us to react, but how we react is entirely up to the individual who is feeling them. Not everyone has the same reaction to the same incident. Some people are calm, while others might get rather upset or angry. This is not to say that our feelings about something we dislike are wrong and should not be felt, or that they do not matter; they do. But what matters is how we respond to it.


How do you know when someone has been triggered?

What exactly does “trigger” mean?

Before I begin, let me define the term “Trigger.” Triggers are sensory reminders that stir up unpleasant memories in the person who experiences trauma. These can include sounds, smells, or images from the traumatic event.

For example, while we may enjoy the scent of apple spice cinnamon during the holidays, someone who has experienced trauma may associate that scent with something unpleasant that has profoundly traumatized them. Even if we think the smell is wonderful, those memories trigger emotions that they had forgotten about until that smell triggered them.


What are common types of traumas:

Here are a few:

  1. Verbally and emotionally abused
  2. Physically or sexually abused
  3. Being neglected comes in many forms-Emotional & Physical neglect.
  4. Natural Disasters or other catastrophic events, such as a war, or similar to 9/11.
  5. Domestic Abuse or violence: seeing this as a child can cause childhood trauma.
  6. Seeing someone die or seriously harmed
  7. A high-stress environment
  8. Educational Trauma caused by Teachers or other school officials
  9. Medical Trauma caused by doctors
  10. Authority Trauma by figures who represent the public, such as Police Officers, etc.

What are some signs that tell their past trauma has been triggered?

  1. They react strongly to something we may regard as “insignificant” or we think it’s no big deal.
  2. They cannot maintain eye contact. They keep their gaze averted because they are uncomfortable or want to get away.
  3. They look for ways to comfort themselves (for example Drinking, Overeating, Body Harm, Hair Pulling, and overly obsessing about their hobbies, such as video games &, etc.).
  4. They become anxious and overly worried and want to get somewhere to hide and feel safe.
  5. They become emotionally shut off, or dissociate.
  6. They let everything go, and don’t take care of their needs or the needs of those around them who depend on them; even the area where they live.
  7. They stop talking to the person who triggered them, or they stop going to the place that triggered them, even if you didn’t purposely trigger them.
  8. They stay away from physical interaction and avoid confrontations and conflicts. When their trauma is triggered, they find it difficult to engage in activities that do not make them feel comfortable or safe. So, they become anxious and may have a hard time breathing; so, they avoid those people and areas that remind them.

How to help the person with their traumas


During an episode, you should take certain approaches. Because it is important how you approach them and how they react to your approach. To truly help someone, you must first understand what a trigger is, what triggered them, and why they were triggered. You may not understand their trauma or feelings. You should, however, allow them to express their emotions in a reasonable and open manner.

What they don’t want people to say or do when they are “triggered”.

  1. “It’s not that big of a deal
  2. “Why are you overreacting”
  3. “Stop being a big baby”
  4. “People have it worse than you”.
  5. “It’s not always about you”
  6. “I know how you feel”
    When someone is suffering an emotional trigger, it is not the time to say, “I understand how you feel.” This is because no two people experience trauma in the same way, and we all respond differently to it. We shouldn’t say “I understand how you feel” even though we can empathize because we can’t be sure how they feel unless we are them. Once the trigger has subsided, it’s preferable to talk about your experiences with similar trauma.
  7. “Stop worrying so much”
  8. “Breathe” Even though breathing is vital, it is not the time to say it when someone is in the midst of a crisis; it is ideal to mention it after they have calmed down.
  9. You have to do this….” “Have you tried……?” It is not the time to attempt to resolve the individual’s crisis. It’s best to wait till they’re calm before doing this.
  10. “It’s all in your head” is something you should NEVER say at any time to anyone triggered.
  11. “That’s on you” is a means of making them feel that their feelings are their fault and that how they feel doesn’t matter.
  12. “Get Over It” is similar to the above, but more direct Sometimes traumas are impossible to overcome unless the emotions are released; if you tell them to get over it, they will do the opposite and pull the emotion back within themselves. They will feel like they’re bothering others with their emotions. It has the opposite effect of helping.
  13. Don’t roll your eyes, this is a nonverbal expression of annoyance that is interpreted as an indication that no one wants to hear about their problems, which leads them to withdraw or find other ways to soothe them until the emotion is gone.
  14. Don’t walk away. Walking away means that if you see them in despair and them needing someone to hold or hug them, so they can feel safe and secure, they are unimportant; it makes them feel what they are feeling is unimportant, and they are a burden. This demonstrates to them that they are correct in their feelings because no one cares because no one wants to hear them. As a result, they withdraw and avoid dealing with the emotions that have arisen as a result of their trauma.

This does not oblige you to stay if they become abusive as a result of the trigger (name-calling or any other verbal abuse and even physical abuse). You have the choice to leave. I’m talking about not wanting to deal with it and not caring, and abandoning them to wallow in their sorrow is the polar opposite of helping them. They would perceive this as a message that they must conceal their anguish, causing most individuals to disassociate themselves from their suffering in order for the feeling to go away; not healing.


How can one heal from their traumas?

One can heal by recognizing their triggers.

What triggers you is pointing you in the right direction for healing. Take a step back when anything in the present moment triggers you, deal with whatever has triggered you, and then respond carefully to the situation in front of you. Until you are healed, everything will have the potential to trigger you. Past trauma that has not been resolved can often be found lurking beneath the surface, showing itself in various facets of your life. Those unresolved feelings from your past won’t go away; they’ll need to be processed and released.

I’d like to thank my long-time friend Tiffany for her assistance in compiling this list.

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All rights reserved

This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author/blog owner, except for using brief quotations in a blog review.
All the information on this website is published in good faith and for general information purposes only

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Understanding Childhood Trauma

Please read the following before we begin: Please keep in mind that this blog is strictly for informational purposes and does not constitute medical or legal advice, medical services, clinical advice, or any other type of professional assistance. If you have a medical problem, you should see your doctor or health care provider right away.


My own experience with childhood trauma

Before I begin, let me tell you a little about me. As a childhood trauma survivor, I understand how it feels to be continually afraid and unsafe. I was scared of getting close to people and trusting them because I was afraid of being abandoned. I became codependent on people who gave me any form of affection, which eventually backfired on me.

I valued myself based on how others regarded me, rather than how I genuinely felt about myself. As a result, I constantly prioritize everyone else. Developed Dissociative Disorder (DD), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Depression, and Anxiety as a result of my childhood trauma. This went on for many years.

It took me a long time to accomplish my healing and I am still healing ’till this day. I had to search deep within myself and I brought out things I was unwilling to address before.

I’ve studied books, gone to seminars, researched trauma, and applied all I’ve learned to myself for many years. But, before I could help others, I had to help myself; now that I have come this far and have accomplished so much within my own mental health, that is why I want to help others and help others deal with their own traumas.

Because I’ve been there, I understand your feelings. This is why I am training to be a Trauma Recovery Coach and a Trauma-Focused Cognitive Therapist. I feel we need more specialists in this field who understand trauma, and with the experience and understanding of those who have experienced childhood trauma, it will be easier for those who are suffering from their childhood traumas to accept help if they are understood.


What exactly is childhood trauma, and how does it affect our lives?

Childhood Trauma symptoms can include anxiety, weight loss, weight gain, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), borderline personality disorder (DD), dissociative identity disorder (DID), or depression.

As we gain an understanding of the underlying cause of the physical symptoms, we discovered traumatic events involving emotional, physical, or sexual abuse.


Childhood Trauma’s Long-Term Effects

A traumatic event’s emotional trauma has long-term implications for a person’s health and wellbeing. We consciously suppress unpleasant memories in order to avoid experiencing them again. Alcohol, drugs, and smoking are commonly used to divert the mind’s attention away from traumatic childhood events.

Problems develop, for example, when the inner child blames themselves for the abuse. Individuals hold themselves responsible for what has occurred and will punish themselves until they reach adulthood.


Trauma affects you in many ways

Childhood trauma causes children to feel completely powerless and terrified in ways that far exceed their normal minds and emotions. Natural disasters and accidents can also create stress in children. These situations can cause children long-term psychological discomfort.

Emotional, physical, or sexual abuse triggers psychological trauma. Recovering from childhood trauma may cause the help of mental health professionals. A traumatic childhood does not have to last forever. Childhood trauma is thought to be one reason for physiological issues. It is an essential part of recognizing painful but unresolvable childhood difficulties.


Other ways childhood trauma can affect you

Childhood trauma symptoms, as noted previously, can occur in a variety of ways. Some people will experience physical symptoms because of self-harm or damage caused by childhood sexual abuse. The vast majority of individuals who have experienced severe childhood trauma will also display psychological symptoms.

Childhood trauma can end up leaving energy and emotions stuck in your body when it is not resolved. When we experience traumatic events, we can, for instance, hold on to our emotions until the event is resolved. Adult life might be challenging if you have multiple unresolved childhood traumas.


Working on healing from childhood trauma

We can deal with some of this trauma on our own, while others will require the help of a trauma expert, such as a counselor or psychotherapist.

When childhood trauma prevents you from progressing, you must work through the painful memories of your trauma. You may heal your childhood trauma by working through it on your own.

If you choose this path, don’t begin with the most horrific occurrence.

You can deal with deep emotional and psychological trauma much more quickly and easily with the help of a therapist. You do not need to investigate every traumatic event to overcome mental health challenges.

Therapists’ years of experience treating trauma patients will assist you in moving through situations that you may not see as possible.

During your recovery journey, you may experience moments of regret, worry, or grief. Trauma symptoms typically last from days to months, gradually dissipating as you process the upsetting event.


Learn to accept what happened and overcome it

Accepting traumatic situations is a struggle that can only be overcome by becoming more comfortable with them. Acceptance begins with acknowledging this self-knowing and recognizing, which is often difficult but necessary. Spend a few minutes each day alone with your trauma to get to know yourself and the feelings it formed in you


Don’t deny your feelings

We tell our bodies that feelings are bad when we try to suppress or repress our emotions. When you sit fully with your childhood traumas, it will surprise you at how quickly they leave your body. Allowing your feelings to surface in your own space communicates to your body that you are worthy of feeling emotions.

Our imagination can draw us away from childhood traumas and memories. The first step in preparing for the future is to accept things for what they are rather than what you wish they were. We can progress if we keep ourselves as we are.

Acceptance does not imply approval; you simply sift it over when something bad occurs. Acceptance is simply accepting things as they are, without believing that you have the right or responsibility to control them or change how they could have been otherwise. Support does not imply acceptance, nor does acceptance imply liking the thing.


Learn to forgive yourself

Forgiveness is the process of letting go of negative feelings. Anger depletes your body’s energy supply. Survivors of trauma may hold on to their rage as a method of expressing their discomfort with the situation. There is a difference between forgiveness and condoning.


When to seek help

When you believe it is time to seek professional help in processing your trauma, select a trauma expert with whom you feel at ease. Finding the correct trauma therapist may take some time, but the quality of the connection is equally important to consider.

Also, it’s important to have a positive relationship with your therapist. Select a trauma specialist whom you feel comfortable talking to. Find a therapist who is familiar with those who suffer childhood trauma, and then they can assist you in processing painful memories that you wouldn’t be able to do on your own.

Copyright © 2022 by “Just Be♡You♡tifully You” Blog
All rights reserved

This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author/blog owner, except for using brief quotations in a blog review.
All the information on this website is published in good faith and for general information purposes only

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Sometimes we fall in love with the wrong person.

Mindlessly loving


Have you ever been so in love with someone that you let bad things happen to you or others because you refused to acknowledge them for who they actually might be? You trusted the one you loved implicitly and let things go without question.


Things get overlooked.

You might be wondering if there were any red flags. How could he have gone on like this for so long without you recognizing what he was doing?

But how could you have missed it and fallen for the wrong person despite all the warning flags?

At the start of a relationship, there are usually red flags. Nothing is more upsetting than being caught off guard by a situation and realizing that a person you thought you knew is not who you thought he or she was.

When you’re in love with someone, you overlook all the red flags and allow certain behaviors and acts to pass by because you’re so caught up in the illusion of who you believe they are and who they perceive themselves to be.

You don’t want to think about the possibility that he or she is the bad guy. Instead, you either create your own image of the positive traits you want to see in him/her, or you enhance the wonderful qualities he/she has revealed to you.

We only want to see the best in the people we care about. It is therefore impossible to see them as anything else.

When we love someone, we overlook flaws and red flags. We form the habit of ignoring their flaws and focusing on their strengths. Furthermore, we can mold their personalities to be exactly what we want them to be for us.

You are completely unaware of their true nature. When you love someone, you may ignore or refuse to see the warning signs in front of you, or the cheating partner may have told lies and concealed things so well that they were simply not seen as his true character, so you missed things.

Sometimes people pretend to love you but do not. They may act as if they love you, or they may invent reasons to convince themselves that they do, but you are completely unaware of the reasons.


Listen to those close to you.

I understand that not everyone wants to hear this, but it is important to take into account what your friends and family think about the person you chose to be with.

I also know that unhealthy family members are prone to exaggeration, so we should ask ourselves, “Is what family/friends say about the one we love true?”

We should not be blinded by love and dismiss warning flags. It would be quite beneficial if you took everything into account.


Stop justifying inappropriate behavior.

Make no apologies or justifications for your partner’s bad behavior. If you do this at any point in your relationship, you may have fallen in love with the wrong person.


Call them out

If you ever wonder if you’re insane or overreacting to anything you’ve witnessed, or if it’s just a gut feeling, follow your instincts.

I’d like to remind everyone not to ignore signs. It is not wrong to hold someone responsible for their actions. You have feelings, and you deserve to be heard. If you notice anything out of the ordinary, please report it. If the other person becomes enraged, you should consider your own safety and seek assistance.


Other factors

Have you ever thought you were in love with someone only to discover afterward that you weren’t? To properly comprehend the problem, you must first figure out why you are feeling this way. You must analyze whether you are experiencing actual love or an emotional attachment. Perhaps they’re already married, or they don’t love you as much as you love them, or they’re not providing you with the relationship you desire.


Identifying the issue

Emotional dependency develops when a person believes that to survive, he or she needs the help and support of another person. In that it frequently leads to powerful sentiments, loving that person is akin to emotional reliance. Love is unselfish, whereas attachment is selfish and self-seeking.


Choosing to counsel

If you are uncomfortable speaking openly to your partner or are having communication issues, relationship counseling may be beneficial. Making the decision to seek advice can allow you to look at difficulties differently and build a more constructive relationship than you have in the past.


One more thing

Before we wrap things up, I’d like to share something that Najwa Zebian wrote that had a huge impact on me. We occasionally show love to the wrong person and wonder, “How could I have shown that person love?” or “What a waste of time.” But don’t think about it that way. You should think of the fact that you were able to give love since it shows that you possess it. It indicates that you are defined by this. The same may be said about everything else. It’s the same with your ability to be compassionate, truthful, and kind.

Copyright © 2022 by “Just Be♡You♡tifully You” Blog
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This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author/blog owner, except for using brief quotations in a blog review.
All the information on this website is published in good faith and for general information purposes only

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Do not become a prisoner of your past

“Never be a prisoner of your past. Become the architect of you future. You will never be the same.”

― Robin Sharma, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari: A Fable About Fulfilling Your Dreams and Reaching Your Destiny

Take care of what you put into the world.


We do many unkind things throughout our lives, as evidenced by the rate at which we are destroying the planet. We also fail to consider the benefits and drawbacks of our actions. There are times when something appears to be simple but has far-reaching consequences. A seemingly innocuous gesture or kind word might have had the opposite effect.

How you are perceived is determined by the words you speak and how the situation unfolds. We sometimes forget or cannot recognize the impact our words, actions, and vibrations have on the world in which we live and how they can have a positive or negative effect.


It is a learning experience, not a life sentence.

There may be times in life when we feel we have reached the end of the road, where there is no turning back and no forgiveness available for an act. Sometimes people find themselves in situations like these and believe that forgiveness is impossible to offer. You may believe that you must dwell on what occurred and what that person did. that you were not looking forward to. You are either too preoccupied with the past to see or have refused to see the future..

However, while memories can sometimes inspire and enlighten us, they should not be used to provide immediate relief. Let us not let those memories limit our freedom in the present. We must remember that bringing hurt feelings back into our minds will exacerbate the pain in our hearts. It is more difficult to let go of memories when we are reminded of them. Let us not be burdened by the wrongs of the past. Don’t let the mistakes of the past derail our opportunity to build a better future.

If you refuse to let go, it robs you of your future, and you will become a prisoner of your thoughts, as well as locked up in your thoughts and perceptions of life. Consider it an experience that teaches you a valuable life lesson, such as how to treat others correctly or to be more aware of those with whom you come into contact. It’s all just a valuable life lesson, not the end of the world.


You control your own destiny.

It is entirely up to you to create the future you desire. We have a choice, and there are some situations we cannot avoid, such as losing a loved one or a pet or escaping certain accidents. There is an option here. You can sit and think about what someone did or what you did to them all day. You can think of every reason and method he used to do something. However, there will be times when you will have no explanation for why or how something occurred.

Many middle-aged and elderly people recall childhood memories from years ago. However, repeating these traumatic memories throughout your life will benefit neither you nor the person who has hurt you. You may never learn why the event occurred, so don’t hold on to it.


Let them go

The question is whether what we think is so deeply ingrained in our minds that we cannot let it go, or whether we must consciously decide to let it go and move forward, sometimes even letting it go, depending on the severity of the harm done. There is no need to hold on to people who have hurt you; it is perfectly fine to let them go with love and never speak to them again. No one needs an explanation as to why you are removing them from your life.


Be the person the world needs.

You must take advantage of this opportunity to ensure that your words and actions are kind to others and the environment. This includes the Earth herself, as well as all animals. Be more conscious of the impact you have on your surroundings and be more vigilant in taking care of the surrounding environment.

Changing your perspective and committing to moving forward can make all the difference. If you strive to do that, no matter where your past takes you, it will never be your destiny, and it will most certainly not be the only thing you have in the future.

What do you think about the importance of letting go of past hurts? Have you been hurt in the past and how have you dealt with it?

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This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author/blog owner, except for using brief quotations in a blog review.
All the information on this website is published in good faith and for general information purposes only

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The Writing Begins

“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.” —Enid Bagnold


Welcome

Hi! I’m glad you’re here!

I’m getting this blog going. There isn’t much to read -Yet!- I will be uploading in a week . I am trying to take my time with this blog. I have a bad habit of rushing things. Once finished… Ill let you know; stay tuned for more.

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Copyright © 2022 by “Just Be♡You♡tifully You” Blog
All rights reserved

This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author/blog owner, except for using brief quotations in a blog review.
All the information on this website is published in good faith and for general information purposes only

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