Sometimes we love the wrong person

Loving blindly

Have you loved someone so much that you blindly allowed things to happen around you or to you because you refused to see that person for who they truly were? You let things go by without question because you had full trust in the one you loved.

There once was a married couple who were married for 30 years. They seemed like a happy couple to everyone they knew. The wife did everything for her husband. She cooked, cleaned, and did everything he wanted of her.

But, as she was this wonderful wife at home. He had a double life behind her back with other women. Make life-long plans with other women and eventually get one pregnant.


Things get overlooked.

You may ask, were there signs? How can that go on so long without knowing what he was doing?

But, how could you not of seen it and fall for the wrong person despite all the red flags?

Sometimes there are always red flags at the start of the relationship. There’s nothing worse than being blindsided by a situation and not realizing that a person you thought you knew all along wasn’t, in fact, the person you thought he/she was.

When you are so in love with someone and most of the time you become so wrapped up in the illusion of who you think they are and who they perceive to be, you deny all the things considered red flags and letting certain behaviors and actions slide by.

You don’t want to think that maybe he/she is this bad guy. You put that blockage up to really know them; instead, you paint your own picture of the good qualities that you yourself want to see within him/her, or you enhance the wonderful qualities he/she has shown you.

We only want to see the good things in someone we care about. So seeing them as anything else is nonexistent.

We overlook the bad and red flags on someone’s character when we love them. We get into the habit of ignoring their imperfections and only seeing their wonderful traits; besides this, we can add to their character what we want them to be for us.

You become blind to their true nature. Sometimes when you love someone, you ignore or refuse to see the signs in front of you, or maybe the cheating spouse lied and concealed things so well that it was just not seen and his true character, so you overlook things.

Occasionally, people claim they love somebody, but they do not love that person at all. They might pretend to love that person, or they may try to come up with reasons to become convinced that they do, but they are oblivious to the reasons.


Listen to those close to you.

I realize that not everyone wants to hear this, but it’s essential to pay attention to your friends and family about what they think about the person you choose.

I also know that sometimes unhealthy family members set things way out of proportion, and so we ought to ask ourselves, “Are what family/friends say about the one we love true?”

We mustn’t become blinded by love and ignore red flags. It would help if you considered everything.


Stop making excuses for inappropriate behaviors.

Don’t apologize for your partner’s bad behavior; if you feel the need to make excuses or apologize for your partner’s behavior. That could mean that you’re in love with the wrong person.


Other reasons

Have you ever been in love with someone to realize down the line that you never really loved that person as much as you thought you might?

When you have already chosen to be with someone, one day, You may realize that you are not happy as you should be, and that person isn’t giving you what you want in a relationship. But, you still stay, and you remain by their side.

It comes down to why you think you’re in love with the wrong person; maybe they don’t love you back as you do them, or perhaps they’re already in a committed relationship.

To fully understand where the problem lies, you need to discover why you feel that way. You need to think of what you’re feeling within and if it is really love you feel or an emotional attachment.


Identifying the problem

When someone is in love, they want to put their partner’s needs before their own. Attachment is self-seeking, and selfish while love is selfless.

 Emotional dependency is when a person believes that he/she needs another person to survive, to be happy, or feel complete. Loving that person is in some ways similar to emotional dependency since it typically gives rise to intense feelings.


Call them out

If there is a moment in your life that you think maybe you’re being crazy or overreacting to something you have seen, or perhaps it’s an inner gut feeling.

It is very important to listen to your gut feeling. I want to remind people not to underestimate signs and to question them. There is nothing wrong with calling out someone for their actions. You, too, have feelings and deserve to be heard. If you see something, say something. If the other person gets mad, then there is something there more you need to think about.


Choosing to counsel

If you feel you can’t talk to your partner directly or you’re having a communication problem. You and your partner may decide that relationship counseling would be helpful. Deciding to counsel will help you deal with issues in an entirely new way and create a better relationship than you ever had before.

 In the event the relationship falters, one of you can end it. There’s no law that says you have to stay married forever.

Have you experienced something similar? Share your story.

XOXO,

Copyright © 2021 by “Just Be♡You♡tifully You” Blog
All rights reserved
This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author/blog owner except for the use of brief quotations in a blog review.

Before we end here, I would like to share something with you by Najwa Zebian;

“Sometimes we give love to the wrong person, and we sit there and wonder, “how could I have given love to that person? They don’t even deserve it,” or “what a waste of time.” But the thing is, you shouldn’t think about it that way. You should think of the fact that you were able to give love, because if you are able to give it, that means you have it inside of you. It means that that is what makes you. And it’s the same thing with everything else. It’s the same thing with kindness, with honesty, with your ability to care about people. That shows who you are. Don’t focus on the way that people abuse that. Don’t focus on the way that people react to that. Focus on the fact that you have it within you, and that it makes you who you are. It makes you a beautiful person, a beautiful human being. So, before you sit there and say, “I wish I didn’t give love”, “I wish I didn’t give kindness”, “I wish I wasn’t honest”, be careful what you’re wishing for.”

~ Najwa Zebian

10 ways to love your husband unconditionally

Before we start, please read below, Please know that this blog is for informational purposes only, and it does not constitute medical or legal advice, medical services, clinical advice, or any type of professional help. In the event that you have a health concern, you should consult your physician or health care provider immediately.

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”

– Dave Meurer

There will come a time when you will feel like strangling him no matter how long you have been with your husband. I would imagine there will be a time in every married woman’s life where she’ll question her reasons for being in the marriage or just thinking about how she will get through a feeling or situation with him.

Coming into a marriage, you wouldn’t necessarily feel this way. But, inevitably, your husbands will get on your nerves, and your tempers will sometimes nip at each other. It is almost normal to become annoyed or put off by each other. That is when space needs to be implemented. Take some time alone to reflect on the situation.

The topic of discussion today is loving your husband unconditionally. It doesn’t matter what he has done or said. We can still find a way to love unconditionally. Unless it’s an abusive relationship, then that is a different story. 


1. Show him respect

It is important that you show respect for one another. You can do this in numerous ways:

Such as: 

  • When he speaks, you should look at him.
  • It is important not to interrupt him as he is speaking.
  • Smile at him; sometimes, just a smile makes all the difference; it can change his day.
  • Let him know what you admire about him.
  • Ask him about his day.

It’s important that you respect your husband for many reasons. 

  • His trust in you will lead him to come to you for any reason.
  • Respect will motivate him and will encourage him to love you more
  • He is the role model for your children.
  • It acknowledges the qualities he possesses as your husband and father of your children.
  • He supports his family on a financial and emotional level as well.

2. Work through problems

You must learn to work through difficult times. There will be many difficult times during your relationship. It’s important not to get too caught up in the situation and remember why you both love each other. Remember to talk about it, don’t go to bed angry.

It is important to talk through things rather than avoiding them. Our minds can overanalyze and add too much to the situation and can make it worse. Be sure to communicate everything you’re feeling. Make sure you are listening to him when he speaks. Let him know how much you love him and appreciate what he is doing or has done for you; praise him.


3. Don’t dwell on imperfections

Do not worry when you spot the little imperfections. Don’t place high expectations on your husband. No one is perfect. We all have flaws, just like you and me. We expect our husband to overlook our small imperfections, and we must do the same for him.


4. Learn his love language

Learn your husband’s love language. 

Love language is how we love each other. We all have our ways of showing love and receiving it. We can do this by:

  • Saying kind words to each other
  • Doing extra helpful things for him that you wouldn’t usually do.
  • Giving him a gift or a note  to tell him you are thinking about him
  • Physical touch, a hug, or a kiss. 
  • Quality time

5. Surprise him

Let him feel surprised; do little things which he would not expect; switch things up in ways that make him surprised and make those events memorable; be spontaneous.


6. Take an interest in subjects that are important to him

Make an effort to be interested in important matters to him, and do not make fun of them, do not make him feel like his interests are unimportant.  If he enjoys video games, play video games with him.


7. Laugh together

The most important thing is to laugh as much together as possible. Seek out funny things to share, tell funny stories, post funny memes, make videos, etc. 


8. Spend alone time together

Spend time with him intimately and add some spice to your sex life. Also, the bedroom isn’t the only place you can be intimate. Be sure to have a date night, where you both can spend quality time together and talk.


9. Be his friend

You will learn a great deal about him if you can let him relax and be himself without having to act like he has duties to his wife. He will be a better husband if he knows that you are his best friend, not just his spouse. 


10. Take time to care for yourself

 Everyone needs their space eventually, give him space; take the time to care for and pamper yourself and always strive to look your best when you are around your husband. Take care of your own needs, spending some time alone. It allows you both to miss each other and gives you the personal space you need. It also shows him you are independent; most men love an independent woman who isn’t clingy and has to be in the same room 247 with them; men love their space too.


Are you still unhappy?

You should consider that if you feel you have done all listed above and have either gone over and beyond and are still unhappy, or your spouse seems unhappy, you should sit back and consider your best course of action. It may be worthwhile to seek counseling or write him an open letter stating how you would like to resolve it. It takes two to make a marriage work, and it’s not a one-way street. You both must want the marriage to succeed. 

Later, I will be sharing ways to tell you if your marriage has ended in a later post. Don’t think you’re obligated to stay in an unhappy marriage; you are not required to. It doesn’t matter what anyone has to say; if you aren’t happy, and you’re tired of putting so much effort into your marriage, then you are allowed to find peace by ending it. In other words, you do not have to endure abuse or emotional neglect either. However, when it comes to the matter at hand, it is up to you to decide what you deserve and what’s better for you both.


Do you have secrets to a happy marriage?

How do you keep your marriage strong? Feel free to share your secrets in the comments section.

Copyright © 2021 by “Just Be♡You♡tifully You” Blog
All rights reserved
This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author/blog owner except for the use of brief quotations in a blog review.