What trauma survivors want people to know

Please read the following before we begin: Please keep in mind that this blog is strictly for informational purposes and does not constitute medical or legal advice, medical services, clinical advice, or any other type of professional assistance. If you have a medical problem, you should see your doctor or health care provider right away.

Trauma has a long-term effect on people. It alters their perception of relationships, people, and the world. As humans, we all have some sort of trigger that causes us to react, but how we react is entirely up to the individual who is feeling them. Not everyone has the same reaction to the same incident. Some people are calm, while others might get rather upset or angry. This is not to say that our feelings about something we dislike are wrong and should not be felt, or that they do not matter; they do. But what matters is how we respond to it.


How do you know when someone has been triggered?

What exactly does “trigger” mean?

Before I begin, let me define the term “Trigger.” Triggers are sensory reminders that stir up unpleasant memories in the person who experiences trauma. These can include sounds, smells, or images from the traumatic event.

For example, while we may enjoy the scent of apple spice cinnamon during the holidays, someone who has experienced trauma may associate that scent with something unpleasant that has profoundly traumatized them. Even if we think the smell is wonderful, those memories trigger emotions that they had forgotten about until that smell triggered them.


What are common types of traumas:

Here are a few:

  1. Verbally and emotionally abused
  2. Physically or sexually abused
  3. Being neglected comes in many forms-Emotional & Physical neglect.
  4. Natural Disasters or other catastrophic events, such as a war, or similar to 9/11.
  5. Domestic Abuse or violence: seeing this as a child can cause childhood trauma.
  6. Seeing someone die or seriously harmed
  7. A high-stress environment
  8. Educational Trauma caused by Teachers or other school officials
  9. Medical Trauma caused by doctors
  10. Authority Trauma by figures who represent the public, such as Police Officers, etc.

What are some signs that tell their past trauma has been triggered?

  1. They react strongly to something we may regard as “insignificant” or we think it’s no big deal.
  2. They cannot maintain eye contact. They keep their gaze averted because they are uncomfortable or want to get away.
  3. They look for ways to comfort themselves (for example Drinking, Overeating, Body Harm, Hair Pulling, and overly obsessing about their hobbies, such as video games &, etc.).
  4. They become anxious and overly worried and want to get somewhere to hide and feel safe.
  5. They become emotionally shut off, or dissociate.
  6. They let everything go, and don’t take care of their needs or the needs of those around them who depend on them; even the area where they live.
  7. They stop talking to the person who triggered them, or they stop going to the place that triggered them, even if you didn’t purposely trigger them.
  8. They stay away from physical interaction and avoid confrontations and conflicts. When their trauma is triggered, they find it difficult to engage in activities that do not make them feel comfortable or safe. So, they become anxious and may have a hard time breathing; so, they avoid those people and areas that remind them.

How to help the person with their traumas


During an episode, you should take certain approaches. Because it is important how you approach them and how they react to your approach. To truly help someone, you must first understand what a trigger is, what triggered them, and why they were triggered. You may not understand their trauma or feelings. You should, however, allow them to express their emotions in a reasonable and open manner.

What they don’t want people to say or do when they are “triggered”.

  1. “It’s not that big of a deal
  2. “Why are you overreacting”
  3. “Stop being a big baby”
  4. “People have it worse than you”.
  5. “It’s not always about you”
  6. “I know how you feel”
    When someone is suffering an emotional trigger, it is not the time to say, “I understand how you feel.” This is because no two people experience trauma in the same way, and we all respond differently to it. We shouldn’t say “I understand how you feel” even though we can empathize because we can’t be sure how they feel unless we are them. Once the trigger has subsided, it’s preferable to talk about your experiences with similar trauma.
  7. “Stop worrying so much”
  8. “Breathe” Even though breathing is vital, it is not the time to say it when someone is in the midst of a crisis; it is ideal to mention it after they have calmed down.
  9. You have to do this….” “Have you tried……?” It is not the time to attempt to resolve the individual’s crisis. It’s best to wait till they’re calm before doing this.
  10. “It’s all in your head” is something you should NEVER say at any time to anyone triggered.
  11. “That’s on you” is a means of making them feel that their feelings are their fault and that how they feel doesn’t matter.
  12. “Get Over It” is similar to the above, but more direct Sometimes traumas are impossible to overcome unless the emotions are released; if you tell them to get over it, they will do the opposite and pull the emotion back within themselves. They will feel like they’re bothering others with their emotions. It has the opposite effect of helping.
  13. Don’t roll your eyes, this is a nonverbal expression of annoyance that is interpreted as an indication that no one wants to hear about their problems, which leads them to withdraw or find other ways to soothe them until the emotion is gone.
  14. Don’t walk away. Walking away means that if you see them in despair and them needing someone to hold or hug them, so they can feel safe and secure, they are unimportant; it makes them feel what they are feeling is unimportant, and they are a burden. This demonstrates to them that they are correct in their feelings because no one cares because no one wants to hear them. As a result, they withdraw and avoid dealing with the emotions that have arisen as a result of their trauma.

This does not oblige you to stay if they become abusive as a result of the trigger (name-calling or any other verbal abuse and even physical abuse). You have the choice to leave. I’m talking about not wanting to deal with it and not caring, and abandoning them to wallow in their sorrow is the polar opposite of helping them. They would perceive this as a message that they must conceal their anguish, causing most individuals to disassociate themselves from their suffering in order for the feeling to go away; not healing.


How can one heal from their traumas?

One can heal by recognizing their triggers.

What triggers you is pointing you in the right direction for healing. Take a step back when anything in the present moment triggers you, deal with whatever has triggered you, and then respond carefully to the situation in front of you. Until you are healed, everything will have the potential to trigger you. Past trauma that has not been resolved can often be found lurking beneath the surface, showing itself in various facets of your life. Those unresolved feelings from your past won’t go away; they’ll need to be processed and released.

I’d like to thank my long-time friend Tiffany for her assistance in compiling this list.

Copyright © 2022 by “Just Be♡You♡tifully You” Blog
All rights reserved

This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author/blog owner, except for using brief quotations in a blog review.
All the information on this website is published in good faith and for general information purposes only

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Understanding Childhood Trauma

Please read the following before we begin: Please keep in mind that this blog is strictly for informational purposes and does not constitute medical or legal advice, medical services, clinical advice, or any other type of professional assistance. If you have a medical problem, you should see your doctor or health care provider right away.


My own experience with childhood trauma

Before I begin, let me tell you a little about me. As a childhood trauma survivor, I understand how it feels to be continually afraid and unsafe. I was scared of getting close to people and trusting them because I was afraid of being abandoned. I became codependent on people who gave me any form of affection, which eventually backfired on me.

I valued myself based on how others regarded me, rather than how I genuinely felt about myself. As a result, I constantly prioritize everyone else. Developed Dissociative Disorder (DD), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Depression, and Anxiety as a result of my childhood trauma. This went on for many years.

It took me a long time to accomplish my healing and I am still healing ’till this day. I had to search deep within myself and I brought out things I was unwilling to address before.

I’ve studied books, gone to seminars, researched trauma, and applied all I’ve learned to myself for many years. But, before I could help others, I had to help myself; now that I have come this far and have accomplished so much within my own mental health, that is why I want to help others and help others deal with their own traumas.

Because I’ve been there, I understand your feelings. This is why I am training to be a Trauma Recovery Coach and a Trauma-Focused Cognitive Therapist. I feel we need more specialists in this field who understand trauma, and with the experience and understanding of those who have experienced childhood trauma, it will be easier for those who are suffering from their childhood traumas to accept help if they are understood.


What exactly is childhood trauma, and how does it affect our lives?

Childhood Trauma symptoms can include anxiety, weight loss, weight gain, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), borderline personality disorder (DD), dissociative identity disorder (DID), or depression.

As we gain an understanding of the underlying cause of the physical symptoms, we discovered traumatic events involving emotional, physical, or sexual abuse.


Childhood Trauma’s Long-Term Effects

A traumatic event’s emotional trauma has long-term implications for a person’s health and wellbeing. We consciously suppress unpleasant memories in order to avoid experiencing them again. Alcohol, drugs, and smoking are commonly used to divert the mind’s attention away from traumatic childhood events.

Problems develop, for example, when the inner child blames themselves for the abuse. Individuals hold themselves responsible for what has occurred and will punish themselves until they reach adulthood.


Trauma affects you in many ways

Childhood trauma causes children to feel completely powerless and terrified in ways that far exceed their normal minds and emotions. Natural disasters and accidents can also create stress in children. These situations can cause children long-term psychological discomfort.

Emotional, physical, or sexual abuse triggers psychological trauma. Recovering from childhood trauma may cause the help of mental health professionals. A traumatic childhood does not have to last forever. Childhood trauma is thought to be one reason for physiological issues. It is an essential part of recognizing painful but unresolvable childhood difficulties.


Other ways childhood trauma can affect you

Childhood trauma symptoms, as noted previously, can occur in a variety of ways. Some people will experience physical symptoms because of self-harm or damage caused by childhood sexual abuse. The vast majority of individuals who have experienced severe childhood trauma will also display psychological symptoms.

Childhood trauma can end up leaving energy and emotions stuck in your body when it is not resolved. When we experience traumatic events, we can, for instance, hold on to our emotions until the event is resolved. Adult life might be challenging if you have multiple unresolved childhood traumas.


Working on healing from childhood trauma

We can deal with some of this trauma on our own, while others will require the help of a trauma expert, such as a counselor or psychotherapist.

When childhood trauma prevents you from progressing, you must work through the painful memories of your trauma. You may heal your childhood trauma by working through it on your own.

If you choose this path, don’t begin with the most horrific occurrence.

You can deal with deep emotional and psychological trauma much more quickly and easily with the help of a therapist. You do not need to investigate every traumatic event to overcome mental health challenges.

Therapists’ years of experience treating trauma patients will assist you in moving through situations that you may not see as possible.

During your recovery journey, you may experience moments of regret, worry, or grief. Trauma symptoms typically last from days to months, gradually dissipating as you process the upsetting event.


Learn to accept what happened and overcome it

Accepting traumatic situations is a struggle that can only be overcome by becoming more comfortable with them. Acceptance begins with acknowledging this self-knowing and recognizing, which is often difficult but necessary. Spend a few minutes each day alone with your trauma to get to know yourself and the feelings it formed in you


Don’t deny your feelings

We tell our bodies that feelings are bad when we try to suppress or repress our emotions. When you sit fully with your childhood traumas, it will surprise you at how quickly they leave your body. Allowing your feelings to surface in your own space communicates to your body that you are worthy of feeling emotions.

Our imagination can draw us away from childhood traumas and memories. The first step in preparing for the future is to accept things for what they are rather than what you wish they were. We can progress if we keep ourselves as we are.

Acceptance does not imply approval; you simply sift it over when something bad occurs. Acceptance is simply accepting things as they are, without believing that you have the right or responsibility to control them or change how they could have been otherwise. Support does not imply acceptance, nor does acceptance imply liking the thing.


Learn to forgive yourself

Forgiveness is the process of letting go of negative feelings. Anger depletes your body’s energy supply. Survivors of trauma may hold on to their rage as a method of expressing their discomfort with the situation. There is a difference between forgiveness and condoning.


When to seek help

When you believe it is time to seek professional help in processing your trauma, select a trauma expert with whom you feel at ease. Finding the correct trauma therapist may take some time, but the quality of the connection is equally important to consider.

Also, it’s important to have a positive relationship with your therapist. Select a trauma specialist whom you feel comfortable talking to. Find a therapist who is familiar with those who suffer childhood trauma, and then they can assist you in processing painful memories that you wouldn’t be able to do on your own.

Copyright © 2022 by “Just Be♡You♡tifully You” Blog
All rights reserved

This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author/blog owner, except for using brief quotations in a blog review.
All the information on this website is published in good faith and for general information purposes only

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Do not become a prisoner of your past

“Never be a prisoner of your past. Become the architect of you future. You will never be the same.”

― Robin Sharma, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari: A Fable About Fulfilling Your Dreams and Reaching Your Destiny

Take care of what you put into the world.


We do many unkind things throughout our lives, as evidenced by the rate at which we are destroying the planet. We also fail to consider the benefits and drawbacks of our actions. There are times when something appears to be simple but has far-reaching consequences. A seemingly innocuous gesture or kind word might have had the opposite effect.

How you are perceived is determined by the words you speak and how the situation unfolds. We sometimes forget or cannot recognize the impact our words, actions, and vibrations have on the world in which we live and how they can have a positive or negative effect.


It is a learning experience, not a life sentence.

There may be times in life when we feel we have reached the end of the road, where there is no turning back and no forgiveness available for an act. Sometimes people find themselves in situations like these and believe that forgiveness is impossible to offer. You may believe that you must dwell on what occurred and what that person did. that you were not looking forward to. You are either too preoccupied with the past to see or have refused to see the future..

However, while memories can sometimes inspire and enlighten us, they should not be used to provide immediate relief. Let us not let those memories limit our freedom in the present. We must remember that bringing hurt feelings back into our minds will exacerbate the pain in our hearts. It is more difficult to let go of memories when we are reminded of them. Let us not be burdened by the wrongs of the past. Don’t let the mistakes of the past derail our opportunity to build a better future.

If you refuse to let go, it robs you of your future, and you will become a prisoner of your thoughts, as well as locked up in your thoughts and perceptions of life. Consider it an experience that teaches you a valuable life lesson, such as how to treat others correctly or to be more aware of those with whom you come into contact. It’s all just a valuable life lesson, not the end of the world.


You control your own destiny.

It is entirely up to you to create the future you desire. We have a choice, and there are some situations we cannot avoid, such as losing a loved one or a pet or escaping certain accidents. There is an option here. You can sit and think about what someone did or what you did to them all day. You can think of every reason and method he used to do something. However, there will be times when you will have no explanation for why or how something occurred.

Many middle-aged and elderly people recall childhood memories from years ago. However, repeating these traumatic memories throughout your life will benefit neither you nor the person who has hurt you. You may never learn why the event occurred, so don’t hold on to it.


Let them go

The question is whether what we think is so deeply ingrained in our minds that we cannot let it go, or whether we must consciously decide to let it go and move forward, sometimes even letting it go, depending on the severity of the harm done. There is no need to hold on to people who have hurt you; it is perfectly fine to let them go with love and never speak to them again. No one needs an explanation as to why you are removing them from your life.


Be the person the world needs.

You must take advantage of this opportunity to ensure that your words and actions are kind to others and the environment. This includes the Earth herself, as well as all animals. Be more conscious of the impact you have on your surroundings and be more vigilant in taking care of the surrounding environment.

Changing your perspective and committing to moving forward can make all the difference. If you strive to do that, no matter where your past takes you, it will never be your destiny, and it will most certainly not be the only thing you have in the future.

What do you think about the importance of letting go of past hurts? Have you been hurt in the past and how have you dealt with it?

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This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author/blog owner, except for using brief quotations in a blog review.
All the information on this website is published in good faith and for general information purposes only

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10 ways to forgive yourself and move forward

Please read the following before we begin: Please keep in mind that this blog is strictly for informational purposes and does not constitute medical or legal advice, medical services, clinical advice, or any other type of professional assistance. If you have a medical problem, you should see your doctor or health care provider right away.

Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.

— Maya Angelou

Everyone makes mistakes


Throughout your life, no matter what you do, you will face problems and make mistakes that you will need to learn from, and these mistakes will make you stronger. It all depends on how you handle these mistakes. There will always be something at which you will fail. Something that will undermine your confidence, as well as certain situations that will lead to you being incorrect and making poor decisions.


What is forgiveness?

Forgiveness is generally referred to as the process of letting go of negative feelings of anger, bitterness, and vengeance toward someone who has wronged you. This is great, and we should try to forgive others who have wronged us, but are you forgiving yourself? Today’s discussion is about you forgiving yourself for whatever you have done either to someone you love or yourself.


How do you forgive yourself?

To forgive yourself one must:

1. Identify the hurt.

  • Determine the source of the discomfort.
  • Why are you in so much pain?
  • What has caused you distress?
  • Have you ever harmed someone else?
  • What did you do to aggravate the situation?

2. Accept Responsibility

Accept your responsibilities and acknowledge your mistakes, as well as the pain you’ve caused others and yourself in the past. We can even hurt ourselves; we should recognize this while making amends with those we have wronged.


3. Is it guilt or shame?

It is acceptable to feel guilty, but one must understand the distinction between guilt and shame.


The difference between guilt and shame


Guilt is an emotion of guilt or remorse associated with a feeling of moral or personal responsibility.

Shame can be defined as the bad feeling that sets in after one behaves in an unacceptable, inappropriate, or ridiculous manner, depending on the context.

Shame and guilt are frequently used interchangeably to describe the same feelings, but their meanings are vastly different. Shame, on the other hand, is a more inward expression of how you feel about yourself and your actions that, unlike guilt, can help you understand how you affect others.

One source suggests that shameful people seek to avoid and attack; guilty people repair and rebuild.

To begin the healing process and accept forgiveness within yourself, you must first understand where the issue exists within you so that you can pinpoint where to begin healing and accepting forgiveness.


4. Apologize

The first step in your healing process should be to admit your mistakes, apologize to others and to yourself, and write yourself an apology. It makes no difference whether your loved one is alive or dead. However, it may be the first step toward recovery.


5. Take care of yourself.

Take care of your by taking care of yourself.

  • It is critical to consume nutrient-dense foods.
  • Take care of your personal hygiene.
  • Make plans to see family, friends, or a friend.
  • On paper, write down how you’re feeling that day. Keep a diary of your emotions.
  • Do things you enjoy doing on a daily basis, such as reading or learning a new hobby.
  • Maintain a consistent sleep schedule.
  • If you work, try to get some sick time. Our mental health, like our physical health, requires rest from time to time.
  • Thinking about things from a different angle can help you see things more clearly. Listening to others rather than speaking first or all of the time.

6. Change your view

Do you think your point of view is the only one?
Get together with people who have a completely different background than you. This may open your mind and allow you to consider new ideas and concepts. You’ll be surprised at how much your mindset can change once your perspective broadens.


7. Know your feelings

It is critical that you are aware of your emotions. Know what you are feeling and going through. Attempt to identify the emotions as they occur. The ability to name them as you experience them. A journal is an excellent tool for keeping track of your emotions. It is beneficial to learn the words for each emotion and to remember to write about them in your journal.


8. What do you want?

It is critical to have a clear understanding of what you want. Before you can do anything else, you must understand what you want and examine the situation and the underlying reasons for your desires. Try to see yourself through the eyes of others, reexamine the situation, and try to comprehend it. You can also use a mind map to assist you in determining what it is that you want. You may also want to reconsider other options; it’s always a good idea to have a plan B ready for almost anything.


9. Be realistic

Be realistic; recognize and work to overcome unrealistic expectations. Try to halt yourself by catching yourself when you begin to have these expectations; call yourself out in your mind and reflect on them. Our perspective can be greatly influenced by our expectations. As a result, it is critical that we are aware of them. We must also remember that not only do our own expectations matter but so do the expectations of others. Finally, we must practice compassion for those around us as well as for ourselves, and we must allow ourselves to be more flexible in our expectations.


10. Put gratitude as a substitute for guilt


If you find yourself feeling guilty about something, shift your focus to gratitude. Concentrate on your accomplishments. Consider your accomplishments and how you overcame them, and try to adopt a more positive attitude.


Begin to move forward

After you’ve begun your journey toward forgiveness, the next step is to let go. Stay away from dwelling on the negatives and what-ifs. Don’t let your past control you. It’s time to rise above the chaos of your situation and be your best, most confident self.

Have you ever faced a challenge that you overcame? What strategies did you employ to successfully navigate the situation?

XOXO,

Copyright © 2022 by “Just Be♡You♡tifully You” Blog
All rights reserved

This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author/blog owner, except for using brief quotations in a blog review.
All the information on this website is published in good faith and for general information purposes only

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