Sometimes we love the wrong person

Loving blindly

Have you loved someone so much that you blindly allowed things to happen around you or to you because you refused to see that person for who they truly were? You let things go by without question because you had full trust in the one you loved.

There once was a married couple who were married for 30 years. They seemed like a happy couple to everyone they knew. The wife did everything for her husband. She cooked, cleaned, and did everything he wanted of her.

But, as she was this wonderful wife at home. He had a double life behind her back with other women. Make life-long plans with other women and eventually get one pregnant.


Things get overlooked.

You may ask, were there signs? How can that go on so long without knowing what he was doing?

But, how could you not of seen it and fall for the wrong person despite all the red flags?

Sometimes there are always red flags at the start of the relationship. There’s nothing worse than being blindsided by a situation and not realizing that a person you thought you knew all along wasn’t, in fact, the person you thought he/she was.

When you are so in love with someone and most of the time you become so wrapped up in the illusion of who you think they are and who they perceive to be, you deny all the things considered red flags and letting certain behaviors and actions slide by.

You don’t want to think that maybe he/she is this bad guy. You put that blockage up to really know them; instead, you paint your own picture of the good qualities that you yourself want to see within him/her, or you enhance the wonderful qualities he/she has shown you.

We only want to see the good things in someone we care about. So seeing them as anything else is nonexistent.

We overlook the bad and red flags on someone’s character when we love them. We get into the habit of ignoring their imperfections and only seeing their wonderful traits; besides this, we can add to their character what we want them to be for us.

You become blind to their true nature. Sometimes when you love someone, you ignore or refuse to see the signs in front of you, or maybe the cheating spouse lied and concealed things so well that it was just not seen and his true character, so you overlook things.

Occasionally, people claim they love somebody, but they do not love that person at all. They might pretend to love that person, or they may try to come up with reasons to become convinced that they do, but they are oblivious to the reasons.


Listen to those close to you.

I realize that not everyone wants to hear this, but it’s essential to pay attention to your friends and family about what they think about the person you choose.

I also know that sometimes unhealthy family members set things way out of proportion, and so we ought to ask ourselves, “Are what family/friends say about the one we love true?”

We mustn’t become blinded by love and ignore red flags. It would help if you considered everything.


Stop making excuses for inappropriate behaviors.

Don’t apologize for your partner’s bad behavior; if you feel the need to make excuses or apologize for your partner’s behavior. That could mean that you’re in love with the wrong person.


Other reasons

Have you ever been in love with someone to realize down the line that you never really loved that person as much as you thought you might?

When you have already chosen to be with someone, one day, You may realize that you are not happy as you should be, and that person isn’t giving you what you want in a relationship. But, you still stay, and you remain by their side.

It comes down to why you think you’re in love with the wrong person; maybe they don’t love you back as you do them, or perhaps they’re already in a committed relationship.

To fully understand where the problem lies, you need to discover why you feel that way. You need to think of what you’re feeling within and if it is really love you feel or an emotional attachment.


Identifying the problem

When someone is in love, they want to put their partner’s needs before their own. Attachment is self-seeking, and selfish while love is selfless.

 Emotional dependency is when a person believes that he/she needs another person to survive, to be happy, or feel complete. Loving that person is in some ways similar to emotional dependency since it typically gives rise to intense feelings.


Call them out

If there is a moment in your life that you think maybe you’re being crazy or overreacting to something you have seen, or perhaps it’s an inner gut feeling.

It is very important to listen to your gut feeling. I want to remind people not to underestimate signs and to question them. There is nothing wrong with calling out someone for their actions. You, too, have feelings and deserve to be heard. If you see something, say something. If the other person gets mad, then there is something there more you need to think about.


Choosing to counsel

If you feel you can’t talk to your partner directly or you’re having a communication problem. You and your partner may decide that relationship counseling would be helpful. Deciding to counsel will help you deal with issues in an entirely new way and create a better relationship than you ever had before.

 In the event the relationship falters, one of you can end it. There’s no law that says you have to stay married forever.

Have you experienced something similar? Share your story.

XOXO,

Copyright © 2021 by “Just Be♡You♡tifully You” Blog
All rights reserved
This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author/blog owner except for the use of brief quotations in a blog review.

Before we end here, I would like to share something with you by Najwa Zebian;

“Sometimes we give love to the wrong person, and we sit there and wonder, “how could I have given love to that person? They don’t even deserve it,” or “what a waste of time.” But the thing is, you shouldn’t think about it that way. You should think of the fact that you were able to give love, because if you are able to give it, that means you have it inside of you. It means that that is what makes you. And it’s the same thing with everything else. It’s the same thing with kindness, with honesty, with your ability to care about people. That shows who you are. Don’t focus on the way that people abuse that. Don’t focus on the way that people react to that. Focus on the fact that you have it within you, and that it makes you who you are. It makes you a beautiful person, a beautiful human being. So, before you sit there and say, “I wish I didn’t give love”, “I wish I didn’t give kindness”, “I wish I wasn’t honest”, be careful what you’re wishing for.”

~ Najwa Zebian

Do not become a prisoner of your past

“Never be a prisoner of your past. Become the architect of you future. You will never be the same.”

― Robin Sharma, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari: A Fable About Fulfilling Your Dreams and Reaching Your Destiny

Be careful what you put into the world.

We do many unkind things throughout our lives, as can be viewed from the rate at which we are destroying the earth. Yet, we also fail to consider the positives and negatives of our actions. There are situations when something seems simple but can have a drastic result. An innocent gesture or a kind word that you may think is innocuous or innocuous might do instead the opposite.

The words you speak and the way the situation develops determine how they are perceived. At times, we forget and fail to recognize the impact our words, actions, and vibrations can have on the world in which we live and how it can have either a positive or negative effect.


It is a lesson, not a life sentence.

In life, there may be specific points in which we feel it’s the end, where there is no turning back, there is no forgiveness available for an act. One may sometimes find himself or herself in situations such as these and feel that forgiveness is impossible to offer. You may think that you need to dwell on what has happened and what that person did. That you didn’t look forward to happening. You are too distracted by the past to see or have refused to see the future.

However, while memories can sometimes inspire and enlighten us, they should not serve as an outright relief. Let us not allow those memories to limit our freedom in the present. We must keep in mind that bringing back hurt feelings back into our minds will increase the pain in our hearts. Reminding ourselves of memories makes it harder to let go of them. Let us not allow ourselves to become burdened by the wrongs of our past. Don’t let these past wrongs ruin our chance to create a better future.

If you choose not to let it go, it robs you of your future, then you will be a prisoner of your thoughts, and you will also become locked up in your thoughts and perceptions of life. Imagine it as an experience that teaches you a valuable life lesson – how to treat others rightly or more aware of those you come in contact with. It’s all just an important life lesson and not a life-ending experience.


You determine your own future.

The future is entirely up to you, so make the future you want. We have a choice, and there are certain situations that we cannot avoid, such as losing a loved one or pet, or for certain accidents, we cannot escape them. There is a choice here. You can sit and think day in and day out about what someone did or what you did to them. You can come up with every aspect of why and how they did something. But, sometimes, you will have no explanation for why or how it happened.

Many people who are now of middle age continue to recall their childhood memories from years ago. However, if you dwell on these traumatic memories over and over again throughout your life, it will do neither of you or that person who has hurt you any good. You might never learn the reason why the event occurred, so don’t hold on to it.


Let them go

The question is whether what we think is so deeply ingrained into our minds that we cannot let it go, and we must consciously decide to let it go and move forward, sometimes even letting it go, depending on the severity of the harm done. There is no need to hold on to individuals who have hurt you; it’s okay to let them go with love and never speak to them again. No one requires an explanation as to why you are removing them from your life.


Be the person the world needs.

You must take this opportunity to make sure that your words and actions are compassionate toward others and the environment. This includes the Earth herself, and all animals as well. Be vigilant in taking care of the environment around us, and become more aware of the impact you have on your surroundings.

Changing your perspective and committing yourself to move forward can change everything. If you strive to do that, no matter where your past takes you, it is never your destiny, and it is most certainly not the only thing you will have in the future.

Have you been hurt in your past? Tell us about your experiences letting go of the past hurts in your life. What has this done for your life?

XOXO,

Copyright © 2021 by “Just Be♡You♡tifully You” Blog
All rights reserved
This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author/blog owner except for the use of brief quotations in a blog review.


10 ways to forgive yourself and move forward

Before we start, please read below, Please know that this blog is for informational purposes only, and it does not constitute medical or legal advice, medical services, clinical advice, or any type of professional help. In the event that you have a health concern, you should consult your physician or health care provider immediately.

Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.

— Maya Angelou

Everyone makes mistakes

Throughout your lifetime, no matter what you do, you will encounter problems, and you will make mistakes, and you will need to learn from them, and by these mistakes, they will make you stronger. It all depends on how you deal with these errors. There will always be something you will fail at. Something that will undermine your confidence and certain situations that will lead to you being wrong and things that will lead you to make stupid choices.


What is forgiveness?

Forgiveness is generally referred to as the process of letting go of negative feelings of anger, bitterness, and vengeance toward someone who has wronged you. This is great, and we should try to forgive others who have wronged us, but are you forgiving yourself? Today’s discussion is about you forgiving yourself for whatever you have done either to someone you love or yourself.


How do you forgive yourself?

To forgive yourself one must:

1. Identify the hurt.

Identify the source of the hurt. Why are you hurting?
What has caused you to hurt? Have others been hurt by you?
What did you do to cause another pain?


2. Accept Responsibility

When you have hurt others in the past; accept your responsibilities and acknowledge your mistakes and acknowledge the hurt you’ve caused to another, and even yourself. We can even hurt ourselves, we should acknowledge that while making things right with those we have hurt.


3. Is it Guilt or Shame?

It is fine to feel guilty, but one must understand the difference between guilt and shame.

The difference between guilt and shame


Guilt is an emotion of guilt or remorse associated with a feeling of moral or personal responsibility.

Shame can be defined as the bad feeling that sets in after one behaves in an unacceptable, inappropriate, or ridiculous manner, depending on the context.

Shame and guilt are often used interchangeably to describe the same feelings, but the two have a huge difference in meaning. Shame, on the other hand, is a more inward expression of how you feel about yourself and your actions, which differs from guilt in the way it can help you understand how you affect others.

One source suggests that shameful people seek to avoid and attack; guilty people repair and rebuild.

To start the healing process and to process the forgiveness within yourself, you must understand where the issue exists within, so you can pinpoint where to begin to heal and to accept forgiveness.


4. Apologize

At the beginning of your healing process, your first step should be to acknowledge your errors, apologize both to others and to yourself, and write yourself an apology. It does not matter if your loved one is alive or if they have passed. But, it can be the first step to healing.


5. Take care of yourself.

Take care of you by taking care of yourself.

  • It’s important to eat foods that provide nutrients.
  • Make sure to look after your personal hygiene.
  • Make plans to hang out with family, friends, or a friend.
  • Write down how you’re feeling that day on paper. Keep a journal of your feelings.
  • Do activities you enjoy doing daily, like reading or taking up a new hobby.
  • Make sure you have a regular sleep schedule.
  • If you’re working, try to get a sick leave. Sometimes our mental health needs a break too just as much as our physical health.
  • Thinking about things from a wider perspective can help you to gain a clearer picture. Sometimes listening to others rather than having to speak first or all the time.

6. Change your view

Think your perspective is the only way?
Get together with others who have an entirely different background to your own. This could open your mind and enable you to contemplate new ideas and concepts. You will be quite surprised when you realize how much your mindset can change once your perspective broadens.


7. Know your feelings

It is important that you are aware of your feelings. Knowing what you are feeling that you are experiencing. Try to identify the emotions as they happen. Being able to name them as you feel them. A journal provides a very helpful way to track your emotions. It is good to learn which words are used for each emotion, and remember to write about them in your journal.


8. What do you want?

It is important to understand with clarity what you want. Before anything else you must know what you want, you must examine the situation and the underlying reasons for your desires. Try to see yourself from others’ perspectives, reexamine the issue and try to understand. Also, you can make use of a mind map to help you in trying to figure out what it is that you want. Also, you may wish to consider rethinking other options; it’s always good to have a plan B prepared for almost anything.


9. Be realistic

Be realistic; Acknowledge unrealistic expectations and work to overcome them. Try to stop yourself by catching yourself when you start to have these expectations; call yourself out, in your mind and try to reflect on them. Expectations can influence our perspective greatly. So it’s important that we are aware of them. We also have to remember that not only do our own expectations matter, but expectations of others matter too. At the end of the day, we must practice compassion for those around us and for ourselves and allow ourselves to be more flexible in our expectations.


10. Put gratitude as a substitute for guilt


If you find yourself feeling guilty about something, switch that feeling to gratitude. Focus on what you’ve accomplished. Think about your accomplishments and how you overcame them, and experiment with adopting a more positive outlook.


Begin to move forward

After you have begun your journey into forgiveness, the next step is to let go. Do not dwell on the negatives and what if’s. Do not become enslaved to your past. The moment has come for you to rise above the chaos of your circumstances, and be the best, most confident version of yourself.

Have you had a situation where you overcame a barrier? What strategies did you use to get through the situation and move forward effectively?

XOXO,

Copyright © 2021 by “Just Be♡You♡tifully You” Blog
All rights reserved
This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author/blog owner except for the use of brief quotations in a blog review.

10 ways to love your husband unconditionally

Before we start, please read below, Please know that this blog is for informational purposes only, and it does not constitute medical or legal advice, medical services, clinical advice, or any type of professional help. In the event that you have a health concern, you should consult your physician or health care provider immediately.

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”

– Dave Meurer

There will come a time when you will feel like strangling him no matter how long you have been with your husband. I would imagine there will be a time in every married woman’s life where she’ll question her reasons for being in the marriage or just thinking about how she will get through a feeling or situation with him.

Coming into a marriage, you wouldn’t necessarily feel this way. But, inevitably, your husbands will get on your nerves, and your tempers will sometimes nip at each other. It is almost normal to become annoyed or put off by each other. That is when space needs to be implemented. Take some time alone to reflect on the situation.

The topic of discussion today is loving your husband unconditionally. It doesn’t matter what he has done or said. We can still find a way to love unconditionally. Unless it’s an abusive relationship, then that is a different story. 


1. Show him respect

It is important that you show respect for one another. You can do this in numerous ways:

Such as: 

  • When he speaks, you should look at him.
  • It is important not to interrupt him as he is speaking.
  • Smile at him; sometimes, just a smile makes all the difference; it can change his day.
  • Let him know what you admire about him.
  • Ask him about his day.

It’s important that you respect your husband for many reasons. 

  • His trust in you will lead him to come to you for any reason.
  • Respect will motivate him and will encourage him to love you more
  • He is the role model for your children.
  • It acknowledges the qualities he possesses as your husband and father of your children.
  • He supports his family on a financial and emotional level as well.

2. Work through problems

You must learn to work through difficult times. There will be many difficult times during your relationship. It’s important not to get too caught up in the situation and remember why you both love each other. Remember to talk about it, don’t go to bed angry.

It is important to talk through things rather than avoiding them. Our minds can overanalyze and add too much to the situation and can make it worse. Be sure to communicate everything you’re feeling. Make sure you are listening to him when he speaks. Let him know how much you love him and appreciate what he is doing or has done for you; praise him.


3. Don’t dwell on imperfections

Do not worry when you spot the little imperfections. Don’t place high expectations on your husband. No one is perfect. We all have flaws, just like you and me. We expect our husband to overlook our small imperfections, and we must do the same for him.


4. Learn his love language

Learn your husband’s love language. 

Love language is how we love each other. We all have our ways of showing love and receiving it. We can do this by:

  • Saying kind words to each other
  • Doing extra helpful things for him that you wouldn’t usually do.
  • Giving him a gift or a note  to tell him you are thinking about him
  • Physical touch, a hug, or a kiss. 
  • Quality time

5. Surprise him

Let him feel surprised; do little things which he would not expect; switch things up in ways that make him surprised and make those events memorable; be spontaneous.


6. Take an interest in subjects that are important to him

Make an effort to be interested in important matters to him, and do not make fun of them, do not make him feel like his interests are unimportant.  If he enjoys video games, play video games with him.


7. Laugh together

The most important thing is to laugh as much together as possible. Seek out funny things to share, tell funny stories, post funny memes, make videos, etc. 


8. Spend alone time together

Spend time with him intimately and add some spice to your sex life. Also, the bedroom isn’t the only place you can be intimate. Be sure to have a date night, where you both can spend quality time together and talk.


9. Be his friend

You will learn a great deal about him if you can let him relax and be himself without having to act like he has duties to his wife. He will be a better husband if he knows that you are his best friend, not just his spouse. 


10. Take time to care for yourself

 Everyone needs their space eventually, give him space; take the time to care for and pamper yourself and always strive to look your best when you are around your husband. Take care of your own needs, spending some time alone. It allows you both to miss each other and gives you the personal space you need. It also shows him you are independent; most men love an independent woman who isn’t clingy and has to be in the same room 247 with them; men love their space too.


Are you still unhappy?

You should consider that if you feel you have done all listed above and have either gone over and beyond and are still unhappy, or your spouse seems unhappy, you should sit back and consider your best course of action. It may be worthwhile to seek counseling or write him an open letter stating how you would like to resolve it. It takes two to make a marriage work, and it’s not a one-way street. You both must want the marriage to succeed. 

Later, I will be sharing ways to tell you if your marriage has ended in a later post. Don’t think you’re obligated to stay in an unhappy marriage; you are not required to. It doesn’t matter what anyone has to say; if you aren’t happy, and you’re tired of putting so much effort into your marriage, then you are allowed to find peace by ending it. In other words, you do not have to endure abuse or emotional neglect either. However, when it comes to the matter at hand, it is up to you to decide what you deserve and what’s better for you both.


Do you have secrets to a happy marriage?

How do you keep your marriage strong? Feel free to share your secrets in the comments section.

Copyright © 2021 by “Just Be♡You♡tifully You” Blog
All rights reserved
This blog or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the author/blog owner except for the use of brief quotations in a blog review.