Trauma – Just Be♡You♡tifully You

Your Triggers are your responsibility

Published on April 17, 2023 by The Writer Within MeLeave a comment

What is a trigger?

A trigger is something that causes an emotional response in us. It could be a particular word or phrase, a specific situation or memory, or even a certain smell.

It’s easy to blame others for our own emotional triggers, but the truth is that we are responsible for them. Yes, it can be painful and uncomfortable to confront our own triggers, but ultimately it’s worth it because when we take ownership of our emotions, we have more control over our lives.

When we’re triggered, it feels like someone else has control over us—we may lash out in anger, feel overwhelmed with anxiety, or shut down completely. But the reality is that nobody can make us feel anything without our permission.

We are the only ones who have the power to choose how we respond to external stimuli. Sure, there may be situations where it’s difficult to remain calm and centered, but that doesn’t mean we should give up trying.

We all have triggers that can cause us to feel upset, angry, or sad. These triggers can be anything from a certain smell to a specific sound or word. While it’s easy to blame others for our emotional reactions, the truth is that we are responsible for our own triggers.

Think about it: Is it because what they said was objectively true, or is it because it triggered an old wound or insecurity? The same goes for any other trigger you may have. It’s not the trigger itself that causes your reaction, but rather the meaning you’ve assigned to it based on experiences and beliefs.

How to identify our triggers?

The first step towards taking responsibility for your triggers is awareness. Pay attention to what sets you off and notice how you react. Are you quick to judge others? Do you become defensive? Or do you withdraw completely?

Once you’ve identified your triggers, it’s important to work on healing any underlying wounds that may be causing them.

Why are we responsible for our own triggers?

It’s easy to think that our triggers are caused by other people or outside circumstances, but the truth is, we’re responsible for our own triggers. What does this mean exactly? Well, it means that how we react and respond to situations is entirely up to us. Let me give you an example: let’s say someone makes a comment that really offends you.

It’s natural to feel hurt or angry in response, but what happens next is where your responsibility comes into play. You can choose to lash out at them, hold onto that anger for hours (or even days), or you can take a step back and assess why their words affected you so much.

How do we get triggers?

In many cases, our triggers stem from experiences or unresolved emotions. When something happens that reminds us of those experiences or emotions, we react as if we’re reliving them all over again.

It’s not always easy to recognize when this is happening, but taking the time to reflect on your feelings and reactions can help you identify any patterns or underlying issues.

How do we stop being triggered?

Of course, being responsible for your own triggers doesn’t mean you have to deal with everything on your own. Seeking support from loved ones or professionals can be incredibly helpful, especially if you’re struggling to work through difficult emotions.

So what can you do about this? First, recognize that you have control over your reactions. You may not be able to control what triggers you, but you can control how you respond. Take a deep breath and ask yourself why you’re feeling the way you are.

Is there a deeper issue at play here? Can you reframe the situation in a more positive light? Secondly, work on healing those old wounds and insecurities. Therapy can be incredibly helpful in identifying and working through these issues. Alternatively, try journaling or talking with a trusted friend or family

Remember

Remember, your triggers are your responsibility. It’s up to you to take the time to understand yourself and your reactions. By taking control of your responses, seeking support when needed, and working on your own healing, you can begin to live a more fulfilling and peaceful life. Don’t let your triggers control you; take charge and create the life you want.

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5 Ways To Overcome Parental Emotional Abuse As An Adult

Published on January 10, 2023 by The Writer Within MeLeave a comment

Please read the following before we begin: Please keep in mind that this blog is strictly for informational purposes and does not constitute medical or legal advice, medical services, clinical advice, or any other type of professional assistance. If you have a medical concern, you should see your doctor or health care provider right away.

Emotional abuse by parents is a problem that many individuals face, although it is frequently unseen or unrecognized. It may be a painful event, with long-term effects on the mental and emotional well-being of everyone involved. I understand how tough it may be to handle this sort of maltreatment from personal experience. Despite the difficulty, there are concrete actions you can take to build resilience and cope. You may break out from your parents’ pattern of emotional abuse by employing these and other strategies.

1. Acknowledge your worth: Even if your parents criticize you in an emotionally abusive manner, maintain your self-esteem. Never forget that you deserve respect and love no matter what you say or do.

2. Set boundaries: Be firm when expressing the behaviors that you will tolerate and those that you will not. Respectfully let your parents know about these boundaries and don’t let them go over them.

3. Seek outside support: Speaking with a therapist might offer insight into how to deal with a parent who is emotionally abusive. Join peer support groups so you may talk about your feelings and experiences in safety.

4. Self-care: Spend some time each day doing things that make your life happier, more peaceful, more relaxed. You can find solace from emotional abuse via activities like meditation, writing, exercise, and time spent outside.

5. Establish Independence: Hope of recovering from the emotional abuse experienced at the hands of a parent is not impossible. With courage, resilience, and self-awareness, individuals can begin to recover.

In the end, coping with emotionally abusive parents can be very challenging and draining emotionally, but there is hope.

It might not be feasible to save the relationship, but you can learn to deal with their conduct and create a better bond with them.

Remember that you are not facing this situation alone and that assistance is available, even if the harm cannot be repaired. You can alter your life for the better and go forward if you have the correct support and information.

How to heal from Parental emotional abuse

An essential first step in learning how to recover is admitting that one’s own conduct has been influenced by their upbringing. Reaching out for assistance is also beneficial; joining a support group with other children who have experienced parental abuse or getting counseling are both excellent options.

By finding this kind of refuge, people may connect with others who share their interests, have experienced similar experiences, and can assist them to detect possible triggers, which promotes recovery. Even if it ultimately requires effort and perseverance, there is always hope if rehabilitation is actively pursued.

How Childhood Trauma Affects You As An Adult (And What You Can Do About It).

Published on January 3, 2023January 3, 2023 by The Writer Within MeLeave a comment

What is Childhood Trauma and when does it appear

As you become older, childhood trauma can appear in a variety of ways. Every encounter, whether it be physical violence or verbal or mental abuse, makes a lasting impression that continues to influence us as adults. Recognizing the long-lasting consequences of traumatic experiences during our early years is crucial to preventing future psychiatric problems.

Trauma may be a tragic event with long-lasting effects.

It is described as any negative or traumatic event suffered as a kid that results in physical, emotional, and even structural alterations to the brain.

These traumas can vary from overt physical injury like abuse, abandonment, and assault to subtler but no less harmful events like bullying.

What lasting childhood trauma can have on your life

Devastating experiences have a long-lasting impact on people. The scars may heal with time, but their tremendous influence is still felt in our subconscious. I can attest from personal experience that traumatic experiences as children can result in physical and psychological issues that last for years.

Grievous memories seep into every aspect of our lives, affecting our decisions and outlook on life in both internal and external ways. Maybe there is more anxiety or mistrust; maybe there are more apparent feelings of shame and failure.

Whatever its form, childhood trauma impacts us for the rest of our lives and makes it more difficult for us to find solace inside.

Childhood trauma has many and complicated root causes, but they frequently include exposure to violence, physical or sexual abuse, neglect, parental drug use, and the mental illness of caretakers.

Because of all of these factors, children may feel uncomfortable and unable to cope with their surroundings. Cortisol levels rise as a result of this lack of safety, which can harm the structure of the growing brain over the long run.

Depending on age, gender, and unique circumstances, childhood trauma symptoms and signs can vary greatly. In addition to cognitive and psychological symptoms including jumbled ideas and feelings, identity confusion, and recurrent nightmares, other typical symptoms include difficulties sleeping, headaches, stomachaches, increased reactivity, or withdrawal.

We may learn to recognize these traumas and deal with them more skillfully via the work of therapists, caregivers, and support networks. Moving past our pasts and finding peace inside ourselves is not always simple, but it is definitely doable.

No matter how long ago the hurt was caused, if we take the proper care of ourselves, there is still possibility for healing.

How to overcome childhood trauma

It takes conscious effort to replace negative ideas with good ones, show self-forgiveness for past wrongdoings, and take back control of your story in order to heal from these traumas. Despite how damaging it is, childhood trauma may be resolved; all we need is the courage to confront it.

In order to get past childhood trauma and rehabilitate, it is essential to first recognize and confront it. After doing this, the next stage is to engage in therapeutic activities that aid in rethinking and redirecting your emotional reactions.

Traumatic childhood experiences require expert treatment. Treatment for problems connected to traumatic events frequently involves cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). Patients benefit from this treatment by processing old feelings and gaining coping mechanisms for future stressful events.

The goal of dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) is to teach clients how to identify damaging behavior patterns and how to change those patterns in order to better control their emotions. To lessen the severity of painful memories, guided imagery and eye movements are used in the Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) technique.

How you can help heal yourself today; right now

The practice of self-compassion and acceptance is also essential in order to gradually unlearn any negative views about yourself or life in general. Another crucial step in healing is learning how to set boundaries with people who could have played a role in your prior traumas.

This will provide the foundation for true recovery from childhood trauma, coupled with making meaningful connections and establishing support networks.

Many people who experienced trauma as children may lead healthy, fulfilling lives if they receive the right care. Working through the suffering brought on by a traumatic incident is challenging, but ultimately gratifying when it enables us to go fearlessly. We may regain control of our life by comprehending our own emotions and establishing new coping mechanisms.

What trauma survivors want people to know

Published on May 16, 2022June 18, 2022 by The Writer Within MeLeave a comment

Trauma has a long-term effect on people. It alters their perception of relationships, people, and the world. As humans, we all have some sort of trigger that causes us to react, but how we react is entirely up to the individual who is feeling them. Not everyone has the same reaction to the same incident. Some people are calm, while others might get rather upset or angry. This is not to say that our feelings about something we dislike are wrong and should not be felt, or that they do not matter; they do. But what matters is how we respond to it.

How do you know when someone has been triggered?

What exactly does “trigger” mean?

Before I begin, let me define the term “Trigger.” Triggers are sensory reminders that stir up unpleasant memories in the person who experiences trauma. These can include sounds, smells, or images from the traumatic event.

For example, while we may enjoy the scent of apple spice cinnamon during the holidays, someone who has experienced trauma may associate that scent with something unpleasant that has profoundly traumatized them. Even if we think the smell is wonderful, those memories trigger emotions that they had forgotten about until that smell triggered them.

What are common types of traumas:

Here are a few:

Verbally and emotionally abused
Physically or sexually abused
Being neglected comes in many forms-Emotional & Physical neglect.
Natural Disasters or other catastrophic events, such as a war, or similar to 9/11.
Domestic Abuse or violence: seeing this as a child can cause childhood trauma.
Seeing someone die or seriously harmed
A high-stress environment
Educational Trauma caused by Teachers or other school officials
Medical Trauma caused by doctors
Authority Trauma by figures who represent the public, such as Police Officers, etc.

What are some signs that tell their past trauma has been triggered?

They react strongly to something we may regard as “insignificant” or we think it’s no big deal.
They cannot maintain eye contact. They keep their gaze averted because they are uncomfortable or want to get away.
They look for ways to comfort themselves (for example Drinking, Overeating, Body Harm, Hair Pulling, and overly obsessing about their hobbies, such as video games &, etc.).
They become anxious and overly worried and want to get somewhere to hide and feel safe.
They become emotionally shut off, or dissociate.
They let everything go, and don’t take care of their needs or the needs of those around them who depend on them; even the area where they live.
They stop talking to the person who triggered them, or they stop going to the place that triggered them, even if you didn’t purposely trigger them.
They stay away from physical interaction and avoid confrontations and conflicts. When their trauma is triggered, they find it difficult to engage in activities that do not make them feel comfortable or safe. So, they become anxious and may have a hard time breathing; so, they avoid those people and areas that remind them.

How to help the person with their traumas

During an episode, you should take certain approaches. Because it is important how you approach them and how they react to your approach. To truly help someone, you must first understand what a trigger is, what triggered them, and why they were triggered. You may not understand their trauma or feelings. You should, however, allow them to express their emotions in a reasonable and open manner.

What they don’t want people to say or do when they are “triggered”.

“It’s not that big of a deal”
“Why are you overreacting”
“Stop being a big baby”
“People have it worse than you”.
“It’s not always about you”
“I know how you feel”
When someone is suffering an emotional trigger, it is not the time to say, “I understand how you feel.” This is because no two people experience trauma in the same way, and we all respond differently to it. We shouldn’t say “I understand how you feel” even though we can empathize because we can’t be sure how they feel unless we are them. Once the trigger has subsided, it’s preferable to talk about your experiences with similar trauma.
“Stop worrying so much”
“Breathe” Even though breathing is vital, it is not the time to say it when someone is in the midst of a crisis; it is ideal to mention it after they have calmed down.
“You have to do this….” “Have you tried……?” It is not the time to attempt to resolve the individual’s crisis. It’s best to wait till they’re calm before doing this.
“It’s all in your head” is something you should NEVER say at any time to anyone triggered.
“That’s on you” is a means of making them feel that their feelings are their fault and that how they feel doesn’t matter.
“Get Over It” is similar to the above, but more direct Sometimes traumas are impossible to overcome unless the emotions are released; if you tell them to get over it, they will do the opposite and pull the emotion back within themselves. They will feel like they’re bothering others with their emotions. It has the opposite effect of helping.
Don’t roll your eyes, this is a nonverbal expression of annoyance that is interpreted as an indication that no one wants to hear about their problems, which leads them to withdraw or find other ways to soothe them until the emotion is gone.
Don’t walk away. Walking away means that if you see them in despair and them needing someone to hold or hug them, so they can feel safe and secure, they are unimportant; it makes them feel what they are feeling is unimportant, and they are a burden. This demonstrates to them that they are correct in their feelings because no one cares because no one wants to hear them. As a result, they withdraw and avoid dealing with the emotions that have arisen as a result of their trauma.

This does not oblige you to stay if they become abusive as a result of the trigger (name-calling or any other verbal abuse and even physical abuse). You have the choice to leave. I’m talking about not wanting to deal with it and not caring, and abandoning them to wallow in their sorrow is the polar opposite of helping them. They would perceive this as a message that they must conceal their anguish, causing most individuals to disassociate themselves from their suffering in order for the feeling to go away; not healing.

How can one heal from their traumas?

One can heal by recognizing their triggers.

What triggers you is pointing you in the right direction for healing. Take a step back when anything in the present moment triggers you, deal with whatever has triggered you, and then respond carefully to the situation in front of you. Until you are healed, everything will have the potential to trigger you. Past trauma that has not been resolved can often be found lurking beneath the surface, showing itself in various facets of your life. Those unresolved feelings from your past won’t go away; they’ll need to be processed and released.

I’d like to thank my long-time friend Tiffany for her assistance in compiling this list.

Understanding Childhood Trauma

Published on May 13, 2022June 16, 2022 by The Writer Within MeLeave a comment

My own experience with childhood trauma

Before I begin, let me tell you a little about me. As a childhood trauma survivor, I understand how it feels to be continually afraid and unsafe. I was scared of getting close to people and trusting them because I was afraid of being abandoned. I became codependent on people who gave me any form of affection, which eventually backfired on me.

I valued myself based on how others regarded me, rather than how I genuinely felt about myself. As a result, I constantly prioritize everyone else. Developed Dissociative Disorder (DD), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Depression, and Anxiety as a result of my childhood trauma. This went on for many years.

It took me a long time to accomplish my healing and I am still healing ’till this day. I had to search deep within myself and I brought out things I was unwilling to address before.

I’ve studied books, gone to seminars, researched trauma, and applied all I’ve learned to myself for many years. But, before I could help others, I had to help myself; now that I have come this far and have accomplished so much within my own mental health, that is why I want to help others and help others deal with their own traumas.

Because I’ve been there, I understand your feelings. This is why I am training to be a Trauma Recovery Coach and a Trauma-Focused Cognitive Therapist. I feel we need more specialists in this field who understand trauma, and with the experience and understanding of those who have experienced childhood trauma, it will be easier for those who are suffering from their childhood traumas to accept help if they are understood.

What exactly is childhood trauma, and how does it affect our lives?

Childhood Trauma symptoms can include anxiety, weight loss, weight gain, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), borderline personality disorder (DD), dissociative identity disorder (DID), or depression.

As we gain an understanding of the underlying cause of the physical symptoms, we discovered traumatic events involving emotional, physical, or sexual abuse.

Childhood Trauma’s Long-Term Effects

A traumatic event’s emotional trauma has long-term implications for a person’s health and wellbeing. We consciously suppress unpleasant memories in order to avoid experiencing them again. Alcohol, drugs, and smoking are commonly used to divert the mind’s attention away from traumatic childhood events.

Problems develop, for example, when the inner child blames themselves for the abuse. Individuals hold themselves responsible for what has occurred and will punish themselves until they reach adulthood.

Trauma affects you in many ways

Childhood trauma causes children to feel completely powerless and terrified in ways that far exceed their normal minds and emotions. Natural disasters and accidents can also create stress in children. These situations can cause children long-term psychological discomfort.

Emotional, physical, or sexual abuse triggers psychological trauma. Recovering from childhood trauma may cause the help of mental health professionals. A traumatic childhood does not have to last forever. Childhood trauma is thought to be one reason for physiological issues. It is an essential part of recognizing painful but unresolvable childhood difficulties.

Other ways childhood trauma can affect you

Childhood trauma symptoms, as noted previously, can occur in a variety of ways. Some people will experience physical symptoms because of self-harm or damage caused by childhood sexual abuse. The vast majority of individuals who have experienced severe childhood trauma will also display psychological symptoms.

Childhood trauma can end up leaving energy and emotions stuck in your body when it is not resolved. When we experience traumatic events, we can, for instance, hold on to our emotions until the event is resolved. Adult life might be challenging if you have multiple unresolved childhood traumas.

Working on healing from childhood trauma

We can deal with some of this trauma on our own, while others will require the help of a trauma expert, such as a counselor or psychotherapist.

When childhood trauma prevents you from progressing, you must work through the painful memories of your trauma. You may heal your childhood trauma by working through it on your own.

If you choose this path, don’t begin with the most horrific occurrence.

You can deal with deep emotional and psychological trauma much more quickly and easily with the help of a therapist. You do not need to investigate every traumatic event to overcome mental health challenges.

Therapists’ years of experience treating trauma patients will assist you in moving through situations that you may not see as possible.

During your recovery journey, you may experience moments of regret, worry, or grief. Trauma symptoms typically last from days to months, gradually dissipating as you process the upsetting event.

Learn to accept what happened and overcome it

Accepting traumatic situations is a struggle that can only be overcome by becoming more comfortable with them. Acceptance begins with acknowledging this self-knowing and recognizing, which is often difficult but necessary. Spend a few minutes each day alone with your trauma to get to know yourself and the feelings it formed in you

Don’t deny your feelings

We tell our bodies that feelings are bad when we try to suppress or repress our emotions. When you sit fully with your childhood traumas, it will surprise you at how quickly they leave your body. Allowing your feelings to surface in your own space communicates to your body that you are worthy of feeling emotions.

Our imagination can draw us away from childhood traumas and memories. The first step in preparing for the future is to accept things for what they are rather than what you wish they were. We can progress if we keep ourselves as we are.

Acceptance does not imply approval; you simply sift it over when something bad occurs. Acceptance is simply accepting things as they are, without believing that you have the right or responsibility to control them or change how they could have been otherwise. Support does not imply acceptance, nor does acceptance imply liking the thing.

Learn to forgive yourself

Forgiveness is the process of letting go of negative feelings. Anger depletes your body’s energy supply. Survivors of trauma may hold on to their rage as a method of expressing their discomfort with the situation. There is a difference between forgiveness and condoning.

When to seek help

When you believe it is time to seek professional help in processing your trauma, select a trauma expert with whom you feel at ease. Finding the correct trauma therapist may take some time, but the quality of the connection is equally important to consider.

Also, it’s important to have a positive relationship with your therapist. Select a trauma specialist whom you feel comfortable talking to. Find a therapist who is familiar with those who suffer childhood trauma, and then they can assist you in processing painful memories that you wouldn’t be able to do on your own.